In this correspondence, HE Mahatma Prabhu speaks very graciously to the devotee, accepts him, and encourages his efforts. This devotee was upset with the way his life was going.
Devotee: “Hare Krsna, Mahatma Prabhuji. For personal reasons, I was upset and I wrote the previous letter under the influence of emotions.
Mahatma Prabhu: “Yes, it looks like you were upset.”
Devotee: “I was also very angry with God/Krishna because His pastimes are driving me crazy and I hate the games He plays with us. But there’s little I can do to change the situation other than accept it, and I can’t be mad at God for long. That is why I am writing to you again.
Mahatma Prabhu: “Yes, acceptance is important because it allows us to deal with what we cannot change now. But we can always change our choice, influencing the future. In this way, we can live by accepting the situation, but also by changing our thinking and actions, we can hope to improve it in the future.”
Devotee: “I don’t have the strength to be ‘spontaneous’ and follow my heart. If I could have acted in this way, I would have packed my bags and moved to Mayapur before the end of Kartik.”
Mahatma Prabhu: “Yes, that would be a big step. But perhaps the time for it will come later. However, it would be nice to visit here if you have the opportunity. Meetings with me and my wife would be useful for you.”
Devotee: “My spiritual life has always been a struggle for me. The people I relied on the most have always let me down, and I have had and still have to go through all these difficulties. Sometimes duty to my family, and sometimes security concerns, prevent me from being released. The fear of the unknown that awaits after death keeps me in this world that I can see and be able to explain.”
Mahatma Prabhu: “This is typical for most of us. As you continue your spiritual practice, you will increasingly feel the desire to progress, and when this happens, the release of old anchors will occur more easily and often naturally, without conscious effort.
Devotee: “I have little faith and I am desperately looking for another soul who will believe in me and help me believe in myself more than I believe in myself. The same goes for trust. I just don’t believe I can trust others and that’s the source of my suffering.”
Mahatma Prabhu: As you say, your beliefs or lack of them make you suffer. This is the nature of material life. What would you rather believe if you could change your beliefs? At the very least, acknowledge that you can believe what you choose to believe and your fears cannot prevent it.”
Devotee: “I am just a person who has made many mistakes, but I want to forgive myself for them, but the world around me does not allow me to do so.”
Mahatma Prabhu: We should all forgive ourselves. Some of us make more mistakes than others, but forgiving ourselves is essential to staying stable and sane. Whether or not the world allows you to forgive yourself, you will have to allow yourself to be forgiven. This is necessary if you want to live in peace.”
Devotee: “So I’m acting unnaturally just to survive in this world, and now it’s hard for me to open up with others or be myself with them. It seems to me that inside I am so different from myself outside that I cannot evaluate the world the way others do. I’m always very alert, my senses are heightened, I’m constantly on the defensive and I can never relax.”
Mahatma Prabhu: “Looks like life has beaten you and you need more healing to move forward. But ultimately no one can do it for you. You will need to do this for yourself when you are ready. You can let go of the past and its influence on you. But you may not be ready yet. Perhaps you need to forgive yourself more.”
Devotee: “Today I am writing to you because there is no one else I can turn to. I am writing to you today accepting you not as a teacher of Krishna Consciousness, but as a friend, as a spiritual father who can guide me by sharing his wisdom. I have trusted several spiritual people in the past, but they disappointed me (I don’t know if it’s karma or something) and now my family thinks I’m stupid and living an abnormal life. I just want to tell you that it takes a lot of strength (whatever I still have left) to trust you and open up to you.
Mahatma Prabhu: “Thank you for your trust, for the honor you are giving me by trusting me. I know this is difficult for you. I am here to help you. You can take from me what works for you and discard what doesn’t work for you. I just want to help you become strong. I think deep down you know how to free yourself from the suffering you are causing yourself, but something is holding you back and that is what you need to let go. And I feel that you are going through a difficult astrological period, so at this stage of your life it is necessary to be more patient. Srila Prabhupada is also your teacher and can also guide you from within as you take his guidance by studying his books. He said that we can communicate with him through his books and audio recordings. He will not deceive you.”
Devotee: “Please help me start believing and trusting myself, humanity and God.”
Mahatma Prabhu: “I suggest you start with small steps. It will not be difficult for you to take the necessary next small step from where you are now. I don’t want to give advice so much as I want to help you find answers and see practical steps you can take to gradually improve the situation. Don’t approach your growth process with an all-or-nothing mindset, move slowly and things will change over time. Hope this helps you.
Hare Krishna Mahatma Das