What to Look for in a Husband

Girls Beware

If a man is serious about marrying, i.e. he doesn’t want a girlfriend but wants a wife – which is the proper way to see a woman – know that it takes much time to know if a man and woman should marry. If he is basing his attraction primarily the fact that you are beautiful and just loves looking at you, touching your and being with you, this is shallow.

Please don’t fall for every man who says they like or love you. I believe there are too many men out there who have no idea what love is, what to speak of have the ability to love. They may not be compatible with you but just like the way they feel when they are with you. But husband really means that he should make you feel good, and if it’s too much about you making him feel good, then you are going to run into problems down the road when you can’t always make him feel good.

Also, consider his maturity, honesty, character, family conditioning, ability to listen, ability to change (meaning if he has qualities or nature which inhibit good relationships, he’ll have to change). Also, consider his ability to support you, how he deals with difficulties (does he tolerate or get angry), if he is responsible, etc.

Then you have to look at your goals, values, spiritual aspirations, etc. to see if you are both on the same page. If you read some things online about choosing a partner, you will educate yourself about this and thus make better choices.

Go slow

You have to know someone well before you can trust them. It takes a long time to know someone well. And until you can know him, trust and rely on him, you shouldn’t commit. You should go slow with any man you are interested in. It can take up to two years to really get to know another person because you observe how they act in a variety of situations. If you don’t do this, then they will be on their best behavior in order to attract you, or you will like them so much that you won’t notice their faults until you marry. And they may not be honest with you in order to attract you.

In the process of getting to know someone, don’t get too close, don’t get too physical, etc. so if it doesn’t work out there will not be any deep emotional bonds to break. Go slow, take time to consider is this man is a worthy husband in general, and a good match for you in particular. Just because the charts say you are compatible doesn’t always mean much. There are other levels of compatibility the charts show that the astrologer may not be looking at. You both need to discuss your values

Ask Questions

You can ask him questions about his aspirations for marriage, what he wants in a woman, what he understands to be the role of a husband. Ask him many questions. If he says, “I haven’t thought about this yet,” tell him to please think about it and let you know his answers.

Ask him why he wants to marry, what does marriage mean to him, has he done anything to understand how to be a good husband (or is he planning to do anything i.e. read books or takes courses about this).

Ask him about his expectations for grhastha asarama.

You want to notice and find out about his relationship with other people (friends, mother, family, bosses, etc.). If he tends to have difficult relationships with others, that’s a bad sign.

You want to understand what his family values are. In other words, does his family talk over problems or do they just fight about them. He will do with you what his family does unless he sees it as wrong and wants to change.

Is he a committed person, i.e. if he says I will do this, or come meet you at this time, does he do it, and if he doesn’t, does he apologize for not keeping his word?

Does he have good communication and relationship skills, and if not, is he willing to learn them?

Can you rely on this person to fulfill your needs?

Don’t give your trust to someone unless you know them well and see that they are total deserving of your trust. Unless this all looks good, don’t even touch the guy.

And lastly, there should be some chemistry, some attraction on various levels. But this attraction should not override the above mentioned considerations.

The most important qualities to look for in a man is if he can listen to you, understand you, respect you and support you. Unfortunately, many men do not respect women enough to be good husbands and create healthy relationships with women.

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